woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
