one might say we're banned from that church
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
