somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
