Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
