"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
