maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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