Kiss
Puke
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
