I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
