Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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