He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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