he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
