No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
