remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
