In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
