How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
