So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
