i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
