Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
