I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
