Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
