Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
