i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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