my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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