I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
