Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The adults are the big ones right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
