Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
