Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
