Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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