Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
