Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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