just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
