so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
