Kiss
Puke
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
