I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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