Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
