Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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