just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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