How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
