I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drake has all the answers
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
