Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
