Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh god it's open bar.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
