Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
