either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
