Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
