let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
