i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
