no, he came in my armpit
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
