Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
