My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
