This dress was meant to end up on your floor
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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