...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
