Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
